why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
