Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
