is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
