I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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