So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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