Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
