Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
