Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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