I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
