Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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