weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
