I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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