I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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