did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
