dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
