Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
