I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
