He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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