ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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