if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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