i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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