glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Success! We fucked roommates!
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