i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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