running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
