i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
