as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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