dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.