i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"