I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
