I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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