i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
