I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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