and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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