dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
