Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
