This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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