my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
