The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
