I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
