How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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