She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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