either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.