If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
