U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
