Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.