Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!