Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
