Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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