i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
