i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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