I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
