sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
