I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
