We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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