On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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