I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
