He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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