you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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