So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
