Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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