I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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