She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
