she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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