this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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