I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
