I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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