And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
