Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I want a musical about memes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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