Umm I'm too high to move.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
3 2 1 whiskey
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
