I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
