I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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