i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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