i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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