Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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