A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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