how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
