Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dick has a subreddit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
